My Experiences Growing Up & Living With Acute Dyslexia
If I’m honest I’ve had several attempts at writing this blog.
I started off by trying to write in detail, about my history of growing up with dyslexia but I felt I was portraying myself too much as a victim and creating negativity around dyslexia.
I’m not going to lie, growing up in the 70’s, 80’s & 90’s with a little known and totally misunderstood condition was not easy. Due to the nature of dyslexia, my family and the schools I was sent to, dealt with it in a way which not only affected my learning abilities but had a huge impact my emotional and mental well being as well.
I battled with depression on and off for years, most notably after my daughters were born when I had post-natal depression. I knew though that it all boiled down to my past and I blamed and used my childhood and dyslexia as an excuse because it had caused so much misery and pain for me, not because of the dyslexia itself, but because of handling, negativity and decisions made by those in charge. But at this point I still wasn’t ready to deal with it.
Then about 10 years ago, a huge event happened in my life, which caused years of emotional pain, I hit a point where I knew I had to deal with the past, accept what had been. Stop being the victim, blaming the people in charge and move on. Because the reality was the only person, I was continuing to hurt was myself and that in turn was impacting the people I loved the most, my husband and children.
Through 3 years of counselling and CBT with the most incredible counselor I started the process of acceptance, forgiveness and taking responsibility and control of my own life. I learned to look at the positives and see that dyslexia has given me SO much.
The people who made some arguably dreadful decisions were just doing what they thought was best at the time. The fact I was used a bit of a guinea pig meant I was there at the start of the amazing discovery of this newly found wiring of the brain, which in turn has lead onto so many other hugely important discoveries of brain function, has made the world a more accepting and understanding place for people who need to learn in different ways.
It was exciting to understand that what I lack in processing skills, spelling mistakes, short term memory, short attention span etc..., I gain tenfold in thinking outside of the box, imagination, problem solving, determination and so much more.
I’ve leant that I am totally capable of doing anything I want but I just have to take it slowly, small step by small step, maybe a few try's but ultimately I get there in the end and hand on heart, I really love the process (although can’t deny frustration at times!) and feel such a sense of achievement. Yes, it will take me a lot longer than the average academic person and certainly I will be going around the houses a few times, but I always get there in the end and so what if it takes me longer and numerous attempts, just makes more determined to succeed?!
I can now say I am incredibly thankful for being dyslexic. I’m not just saying that, I mean every word. No I will never be a doctor or lawyer or go to the moon but dyslexia has given me skills and experiences I’m not sure I would have had without it. I have built a small business and just started another. Having been told throughout my life there was never any point doing anything most of my friends and peers did.... well bollocks to that!
The wonderful thing now is dyslexia and other neuro diverse brains are better understood, accepted and championed. Getting a diagnosis is a way to understand how to use your brain in the best and most productive way. And although I do feel there is a long way to go with education and the obsession with academic exams, the great thing is now most schools include BTEC and CTECs in their curriculum and in turn universities will accept them as well. It is all going in the right direction and with all the advances in technology, I believe the best is yet to come for those of us who see the world in a different and wonderful way.
Lastly, I want to finish by saying the following which is what I say to my daughter who is, like me, very challenged with dyslexia...
“Yes, it can be shit, you work your ass off more than those around you and still don’t get the grades they do, it can feel debilitating and make you want to give up. You can only do the best you can and that is all anyone and you can ask of yourself and that is good enough.
There are amazing skills you possess that those who are good at exams and academics do not possess. Just because you don’t get top grades doesn’t mean you aren’t going to go on and be the most successful person in your year group. You achieve the best in different ways.
Use your strengths to outdo the challenges you face.
Don’t be a victim (can be hard at times I know only too well) as it doesn’t do you any favours and people get bored of it. Only you can take charge of your situation and make changes to make it better.
Please don’t use your dyslexia as an excuse not to do or get involved in things. It is not a reason, and you will be missing out on many important experiences.
It’s important to take all the support offered but ultimately no one else can fix things for you. Only you can determine what life you want and makes the most of what you’ve been given.
Always see the positive in the negative because ultimately positivity always wins and people are drawn to it.
Be kind, don’t judge others and be accepting, we all come in many different varieties and doesn’t it make the world a better and more interesting place!”